Interspiritual Ministry
The Big Fear: Spiritual
Transformation
Good morning. I hope the morning finds you well of heart
and well of spirit, because I want to talk about something that we don’t
usually discuss much. I want to talk about fear. Specifically our fear of
becoming what we know deep down inside we are meant to be. I’m talking about
our fear of spiritual transformation.
There is a
lot of fear in the world today. Fear of what is happening in
I have been
thinking about it deeply. And about the economic crisis the world is in. And it
dawned on me that for those of us who have declared ourselves to be on the
spiritual path, this economic crisis is like a foreshadowing of the world we
might create. Not the final version, but the chaotic chrysalis from which a new
version of the world might be birthed. Birthed that is, if our stated hopes and
desires were to come to fruition. What do I mean by that? Well, if you take
even a passing look at the global financial meltdown that we are all living
through it’s pretty clear that root culprit is greed. Greed for easy money.
Easy money on stock bets. Easy money for homes that couldn’t be afforded. But
even without the massive greed, our world economy is built on the back of
greed’s close cousin; materialism. We have built a world where if we do not all
continue to buy things that we do not really want and do not really need, the
global economy collapses.
And here’s
where the frightening thought comes in. Every spiritual tradition in the world
teaches us that the deeper our experience of Te Divine, the deeper our
spiritual transformation, the less interested we become in material things. The
greater the spiritual change, the more we learn to be in the world, but not of
the world. So just imagine that for a moment. We’re all looking for spiritual
transformation. That’s what we say at least. And we are all looking to spread
that experience of The Divine to others. Our hope is that regardless of
religion, or even absence of faith, that everyone in the world will have a
deeper experience and relationship with The Divine. But if that happens, if
that truly happens, the world as we know it would come crashing down around our
ears. What would happen to the global economy if suddenly our rampant
materialism were to dematerialize? If
the current global economic downturn is in part the result of less demand for
material things, what would happen if that slackened demand became profound and
permanent?
Take a
moment and think about that. It’s frightening. It’s a frightening because it’s
a total unknown. We would all hope that a more enlightened citizenry would
produce a more enlightened society, but no one really knows what that would
look like. Is that a reason not to create it? Not to seek a world embrace of
The Divine? No. Not at all. But I think that fear of the unknown, both
conscious and unconscious is part of the reason it isn’t happening as fast as
we might all hope.
And it
isn’t happening in our personal lives as fast as we would hope either. And the
reason, I believe, is that same fear. Or variations of it. At least it’s not happening in my personal
life as quickly as I would like. I know the reason for that is my fear. My fear
of spiritual transformation.
What do I
mean by spiritual transformation? That’s
a good question. There’s a lot of talk in spiritual circles about spiritual
transformation, but it’s not always clear what that talk is really about. So
I’ll lay out what I mean by it. Not to say that my view is the only view or
even necessarily correct. We’ll each have our own ideas about spiritual transformation. That only makes sense. Spiritual
transformation is something that happens for each of us individually. In our
own hearts, minds, and lives. So what you mean by it may be different from what
I mean, but if you know what I mean, at least we can begin to understand each
other.
So, for me,
spiritual transformation has five aspects; Awakening to, Embracing, Abiding in,
Experiencing, and Expressing The Divine. First, what do I mean by The Divine?
Fortunately in this room we have all agreed that it is okay to disagree about
The Divine. We all believe that we don’t have to believe the same things. We
all experience and conceive of The Divine in our own ways. Sometimes it’s the
ways of our parents, and sometimes it is the exact opposite of what our patents
believe – just because they’re our parents. So, I’ll tell you what I believe,
how I conceive The Divine, and then going forward you can just silently fill in
your own belief, your own conception, every time you hear me say the words The
Divine.
For me, The
Divine is the Ultimate Ground of All Being. What the Buddhists call the
Dharmakya and the Hindus call Brahman and Christian mystics call Godhead. For
me, everything is a manifestation of The Divine. You, me, this building, this
world, the sun, the stars, the whole kit and caboodle. The Buddhist Lankavatata Sutra phrases it like this: “When
appearances and names are put away and all discrimination ceases, that which
remains is the true and essential nature of things and, as nothing can be
predicated as to the nature of essence, it is called the “Suchness” of
Reality. This universal,
undifferentiated, inscrutable Suchness is the only Reality… and when all things
are understood in full agreement with it, one is in possession of Perfect
Knowledge.”
Now, for me
The Divine is impersonal. Beyond and transcending ego and personhood because it
encompasses all that is. But I also believe that we are beings that need to
conceive of things in the personal. We need to conceive of The Divine as God,
as Yahweh, as Allah, as Vishnu or Shiva, or Orisha, or Avaloketeshvara. And
maybe these conceptions have reality in some realm we can not see. I don’t
know. It doesn’t matter. What matters is our relationship with The Divine.
Opening our hearts to that which is beyond our individual selves. If everything is a manifestation of The
Divine, nothing is more or less divine. The rock is not less Divine than the
ocean or the dog or us. The difference is in the ability to experience The
Divine. The rock will never know it is a manifestation of The Divine. But then again, plenty or humans won’t
realize it either.
So that’s
my nutshell version of The Divine. And it is at the root of what I believe
spiritual transformation to be. For me, for something to be spiritual, it must
connect with or evoke The Divine. That’s why the first of the five aspects of
spiritual transformation is Awakening to The Divine. No transformation, no real
and profound transformation, is possible if we are asleep to the reality of The
Divine. We can be very good people, very loving and compassionate people, solid
citizens, but if our hearts and minds are closed to the possibility of The
Divine, then no spiritual transformation will arise. You can’t grow a tree with
out the seed. You can have a very nice plot of land, but without the seeds
there will be no forest. And it’s the seed of experience that lets The Divine
into our lives. Maybe it comes in the embrace of a loved one, or while alone in
nature, or while walking down a crowded street, but eventually there comes a
moment were we connect with The Divine in a direct way. We suddenly see the
world differently, of only for a few seconds, and we step beyond who normally
think we are. In that moment we realize The Divine. We understand it in some
way. And that allows the love and compassion in our hearts to expand and
flourish. If your spiritual practice doesn’t elicit a more loving and
compassionate heart, then it isn’t much of a spiritual practice at all.
When
I was a young boy, growing up in rural
I’m sure
that everyone in this room has had a similar experience. And if we are open to
that awakening when it comes, we can embrace it. That’s the second principle.
The experience of The Divine isn’t that hard to come by. Mostly we ignore it
when we find it. By keeping our hearts open to The Divine as we conceive it,
and embracing it, we being to change our lives. If we are embracing The Divine,
it’s not so simple to continue our lives as we have always done. Because we
know the truth. Or we at least glimpse the truth. And a glimpse is all we
really need. Enough to hold that vision in our hearts and nurture it. And the
longer we can hold it, the deeper our transformation will be.
Abiding in
The Divine is the next aspect of spiritual transformation. Experiencing The Divine isn’t so hard, and
opening out hearts to embrace that expedience is even easy for some of us, but
holding that experience and filling our hearts with it until we begin to see
everything as a manifestation of The Divine is where the real fun begins. If we
can abide in our vision of The Divine, whatever that vision is, we begin to see
real results. We stop seeing ourselves as we normally do. We become less
interested in ourselves, in our own ego-self mirages. We start to see ourselves
as manifestations of The Divine. We begin to know ourselves as Divine. And if
we abide in that knowing strongly enough we fall easily into the next aspect of
experiencing The Divine.
By
experiencing The Divine, I mean that we begin to see the whole world as
something of a mirage. Where we used to see people and things as separate
entities, we begin to experience them as direct manifestations of The Divine,
inseparable, as being of the same essence, the same nature, but being expressed
in different aspects. I believe it’s at this point that deep spiritual transformation
begins. Once you are abiding in your own
nature as a manifestation of The Divine and are experiencing the whole world,
the whole of the universe as a manifestation of The Divine, then it is only
natural that you will begin to express The Divine in all the things that you
do. That’s the final aspect. Expressing The Divine. If you are really fully
embracing and abiding in The Divine, then your words, your thoughts, your
actions, will begin to be reflections of The Divine. You will begin to manifest
The Divine in all that you do. You will become an embodiment of The Divine.
That sounds
nice right? That sounds wonderful. Blissful. Sublime.
Then why
are we so afraid of it?
Maybe I
shouldn’t make assumptions. Maybe you’re not afraid of it. So I’ll talk about
me. Me? I’m terrified of it. Oh, I talk a good game. I’ve had my taste of The
Divine nectar. But I didn’t try to swallow more. Not really. I make myself lift
the cup to my lips again and again, but no matter how sweat the taste, I can’t
stop thinking of it as bitter medicine. Like my grandmother trying to get me to
swallow that spoonful of cod liver oil.
Maybe other
people don’t have this reaction. Maybe everyone else is gulping down as much of
The Divine as they can stomach, but I’ll be honest with you, I don’t think so.
I think most people are just as terrified of The Divine, of really spiritual
transformation, as I am. Why? Well, I can’t tell you why anyone else is afraid,
I can make guesses, but I know why I’m terrified of spiritual transformation.
And I wish there was only one reason. Let me share a few with you. Maybe they
sound familiar.
Reason
number one I fear spiritual transformation: I’m afraid to let go of who I think
I am. Everything I’ve read, everything my spiritual teachers have told me,
everything I’ve experienced in my own small way, all of it says that real
spiritual transformation will force me to let go of who I think I am. That’s
terrifying! If I’m not who I’ve been told I am, if I’m not who I’ve been
telling myself I am, then I’ve been wasting a hell of a lot of time and energy
keeping up some insane fiction. But it’s not just a fiction, it’s a comfortable
fiction. I’ve grown used to it. There are things I would change. Maybe a little
more self assurance, a little less self doubt, but on the whole I like this guy
called me. My wife likes this guy. Even when I’m annoying she likes me. So why
change a good thing, even if it’s not perfect, for the hope of something
better? That’s like asking me to give up my house, regardless of the fact that
it needs a new roof, for the promise that I don’t really need a house at all
and that the whole world will be my home. Madness! I like my “me” and I’m not
giving it up!
Of course,
real spiritual transformation, healthy transformation, doesn’t destroy the
ego-self, it just destroys the illusion of its separateness being real. But
that destruction of illusion leaves us looking into the unknown, and that is
the second thing I fear. Not knowing what I will become if I am not the “me” I
have always thought myself to be. Of course, I’m not the “me” I thought I was
ten years ago, or twenty years ago. Not if I think about it really hard. I’m
not even the “me” I was last week. Or even yesterday. My memories give me a
sense of continuity that is illusory.
The past doesn’t exist. My memories are just that. I am not my memories.
And if I abide in The Divine a little while I start to see that I am not my
thoughts and emotions either. I’m not any of that stuff. I’m The Divine looking
through these eyes, through this mind, manifesting as this body. Even now, as I
think about it, that thought terrifies me. Excites and exhilarates me, but
terrifies as well. I know in my heart that if I truly embrace that vision,
truly open my heart to that transformation, that the story won’t be about me
anymore. Right now I’m the hero of my own adventure. I’m the important one.
Sure there’s my wife and loved ones and friends and a few people I really like
having along as side kicks and bit players, but if I really let myself wake up
to The Divine, my show gets cancelled. I’m not the leading man anymore.
Suddenly it’s an ensemble piece and I’m just one in a cast of billions. I might
not even have a speaking part or a close up. And what’s the story going to be
about then? I know the story now. I can tell you how it ends. Or how I hope it
ends. But that story is a manifestation of my mind, not The Divine. The story
The Divine is telling looks the same as mine from one angle, from the angle I’m
viewing it from, but the real story, The Divine story, is told from every
vantage point. And no one’s story or view is unimportant. Everyone’s story is
the same story.
The other
stories are the next thing I fear. The people behind those stories. Especially
the ones I know and love. The ones who love me. What happens when and if I
change? Let’s say I have the courage to
really embark upon the spiritual path, what happens to all my relationships?
Relationships are hard enough as it is. What happens when I no longer see the
world the way my friends and relatives do? As my wife does? We’ve all
experienced this to some degree, I’m sure. Old friend’s whose politics have
changed. Or yours have changed theirs haven’t. Family members who don’t believe
in spirituality of any sort, much less God or The Divine. How will people treat
me if I am no longer caught up in the concerns that dominate their lives? Will I be abandoned? Ostracized? Left alone? Will I have to make new friends
all over again? What will the world think of me? How might it change my life?
My work? All those thoughts of change
and possible upheaval quite honestly scare me. And they should, I believe.
These are real concerns.
Of course spiritual teachers tell is
that when we escape the bonds of our limited separate selves we are open to new
possibilities and less concerned with old ways of being, but still, it’s not
like the fear that accompanies switching jobs or moving to a new city, it’s
more like the fear of leaving behind everyone you know and love in the hopes of
finding them again in a whole new world. And why am I afraid? What am I really
afraid of and for? I’m afraid of losing the love and affection that I have come
to enjoy. But if I am really abiding in The Divine, I won’t be interested in
how much others love me. I’ll be interested in how much I can love them,
regardless of their feelings for me. If I’m really deeply experiencing the
world and all its people as a manifestation of The Divine, then I’ll be so
filled with a universal love and compassion that I won’t worry about silly
things like how much people love me.
And
wouldn’t you know it; that scares me too. The whole idea of universal love and
compassion gives me the willies. It’s
hard enough having occasional compassion for the people I really care about,
much less a universal compassion for everyone, every living thing. Let’s face it. That’s a lot of work keeping
your heart that wide open. And I’ve spent my whole life picking favorites. How
else will people know that you really love them if you don’t have more love and
compassion for them than everyone else? How will my wife know she is still my
soul mate if I have universal compassion for the whole world? Universal
compassion means no one is special. How to you give the same full hearted love
to a stranger and your mother or husband or wife or child? And how will your
loved ones take it? They want to be
special. We all do. If my wife suddenly told me that her heart was as filled
with love for the people on the subway car as it was for me, I’d freak out.
But is it
really the love and compassion we receive from those close to us that makes us
special? What if it’s the relationship that makes us special? Is it possible
for two people to have universal love and compassion for the whole of the world
and still be madly in love with one another?
I believe it is. But with that level of love and compassion comes
responsibility. Once you are that filled with The Divine, once you are that
filled with love and compassion, once your heart is that open, the weight of
the world is upon your shoulders. You’ve received a gift and it is a sacred
obligation to try and bestow that gift upon anyone who is willing to receive
it. That is an awesome responsibility. It should not surprise you to learn that
I am more than a little frightened by that level of responsibility. To have
your whole life and the focus of your existence redirected toward the well
being of everyone else, honestly it makes me tired just thinking of it. Can’t
someone else do it? Why me? What if I
fail? Worse yet, what if I succeed? Nothing creates more responsibility than
success.
Then again,
maybe I’m wrong. Maybe responsibility isn’t a burden. Maybe it’s a privilege.
If you really want to special, except some responsibility. And the first
responsibility I can accept is for my own spiritual transformation. But how do
I do that? How do I overcome my fears of the unknown to embrace my destiny in
The Divine?
As with
every really profound spiritual question there are many answers. So I’ll give
you the three that I’m trying to work with. Three simple answers because
anymore than that and I’m likely to get confused.
First,
practice. You need a spiritual practice and you need to engage with it
consistently. Whatever it is. Meditation, contemplative prayer, ecstatic movement,
ritual, vision walks, whatever it is, dig into it deeply and do it daily. Now,
no one is a worse offender to this rule than me. That’s where the second principle comes in.
Patience. With yourself and the journey you are on. You won’t be perfect even
when you have perfected yourself. Relax about it. Spiritual transformation is
like learning to ride a bike. You keep falling off until you don’t. So have
patience. And some compassion. Not just others, but for yourself and the fact
that you are only human. And if we can have compassion for ourselves and
others, this can help us over come our fears of spiritual transformation. In
Mahayana Buddhism one does not try to attain spiritual liberation for one’s own
sake, but for the sake of others. You don’t strive for enlightenment for your
own bliss, but in order to be able to lead everyone else to the bliss of The
Divine. Do it for yourself, sure, but do it also for your friends and loved
ones. Your embrace of The Divine will make you happier, it will make those
around you happier, and can lead to a happier world for everyone.
And a happy
world for everyone takes me back to the station where this train of thought
began. Remember when I asked you to imagine what the world would be like if
everyone was undergoing profound spiritual transformation? What the world would
be like if we cared more for each other than for the things we could buy? What it would be like if the basis for our
society was not capital and commerce but was instead compassion and communion? That
world is possible. It can become a reality from our Divine dreams. And there is
only one thing standing between that Divine world and us: Our fears. You know
mine. Look at your own. Stare them down. Expose them to the flood waters of
your heart. Lather them in love. Wash them with wisdom. Dissolve them in The
Divine. Then practice your path with patience and compassion. So you can Awaken
to the Divine. Embrace it. Abide in it. Experience its ever-present Reality.
And Express it with all you do.
Thank you
for listening.